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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-30-12

Day 120
5 Living is joy, but death can only weep. You see in death escape from what you made. But this you do not see; that you made death, and it is but illusion of an end. Death cannot be escape, because it is not life in which the problem lies. Life has no opposite, for it is God. Life and death seem to be opposites because you have decided death ends life. Forgive the world, and you will understand that every thing that God created cannot have an end, and nothing He did not create is real. In this one sentence is our course explained. In this one sentence is our practicing given its one direction. And in this one sentence is the Holy Spirit’s whole curriculum specified exactly as it is.

Death is not an escape from life, but I used to think it was. Back in the bad old days when I suffered a lot of depression I held onto the possibility of death as if it were a lover coming to embrace me, my savior who would rescue me from this hellish life when it finally became too hateful to be borne any longer. I thought of death as my way out, and I never let it stray too far from my thoughts, lest I be left in hell for longer than I could bear.

I kept a bottle of pills within easy reach, and would often go to the closet shelf to reassure myself that I did not have to tolerate more than I wanted to, that release was always in easy reach. Then I would shiver in another kind of fear, because what if death were not my release from hell, but my portal to an even worse hell, an eternal punishment for usurping God’s role one time too many?

Even after I had done enough forgiveness work that I no longer suffered depression I still thought of death as an escape of sorts. I thought of it as at least a temporary respite. I could escape into death for a bit even if I had to return from death to take up the fight again. I would think that I would maybe come back stronger and would do better. But my secret fear was that maybe it would be worse because I would be guilty of failure once more.

But really there is no death. Death is just another illusion we made up, another layer of confusion to keep us involved in the story but forever without a solution, a way out. The death fable is just another “seek but do not find” set up so typical of ego. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. But no one dies and there is nothing from which to escape because there is nothing holding us in the story of illusion except our desire to experience it, or maybe out fear of not experiencing it.

There is a way out of the confusion. Forgive the world rather than try to escape from it, or deeper into it. Forgive it. Forgive myself for my every error without regard to its seeming form. Forgive each person I see, each judgment I make, each situation I find myself embroiled in. I forgive whatever is in front in me in that moment, and eventually I start to see that while they all look different, really they are the same.

I was always forgiving an illusion, a belief; always forgiving the guilty thought that I could have separated from God. And now I see that I am not even forgiving anything personal. That too was an illusion. I am simply forgiving the one error of the one Self. And even that is accomplished and I suppose the only thing left to forgive is the belief it isn’t.

Forgive the world, and you will understand that every thing that God created cannot have an end, and nothing He did not create is real.

This is it. It is the whole way out. Only what God created is real and nothing else is real. I cannot lose, not even for a moment, what God created. This means I cannot be, even for a moment, anything less than my glorious, magnificent, and limitless self. Not even in my craziest dreams can this change. This means that if I seem to be experiencing something else, I can only be dreaming. I forgive the dream as I realize it is nothing and so I am innocent of wrong doing. I don’t need to pretend to die. I am safe and I can just wake up to God.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-29-12

Day 119
4 How is the peace of God retained, once it is found? Returning anger, in whatever form, will drop the heavy curtain once again, and the belief that peace cannot exist will certainly return. War is again accepted as the one reality. Now must you once again lay down your sword, although you do not recognize that you have picked it up again. But you will learn, as you remember even faintly now that happiness was yours without it, that you must have taken it again as your defense. Stop for a moment now and think of this: Is conflict what you want, or is God’s peace the better choice? Which gives you more? A tranquil mind is not a little gift. Would you not rather live than choose to die?

So what we are being told here is that peace is a moment to moment choice. As soon as I return to conflicted thinking, I lose my peace. At one time in my life I was so confused I didn’t even know that consistent peace was an option. I woke up in the morning and my first thought would be, “I wonder what kind of day this will be?” And I would lie there checking to see if I was going to be depressed, or if this would be a happy day. As if I had nothing to do with it. And I believed this! Incredible.

I remember a time when I would be angry with someone and upset about that thing, worried about lots of stuff and didn’t even realize that I was miserable, much less that my thinking was causing the discomfort. Eventually, I must have had a thought that life had to be more than unhappiness with brief respites, and I found the Course and opened my mind to the possibility I was responsible for my life. Slowly, I began to watch my thinking and began to choose forgiveness. I learned that when I forgave I was happy and when I held grievances I wasn’t.

The more I did this the less willing I was to accept even small upsets. I have quickly become spoiled to happiness and peace and, mostly, I am unwilling to sell my peace so cheaply as I once did. Even so, I still surprise myself from time to time with a foolish stubbornness as I latch onto a judgment and decide I would rather have my way than to be happy. I know. Crazy, right?

When I choose God, I am so happy and my mind is so peaceful I can’t believe I would ever choose anything else. Then I make a judgment about something and get lost in my anger and it really is like a heavy curtain has dropped. Or like I am in a fog and can’t figure out how to get out. But having done this a lot now, I do remember that I want out and my desire to be free again blows the fog away.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-28-12

Day 118
3 How is this quiet found? No one can fail to find it who but seeks out its conditions. God’s peace can never come where anger is, for anger must deny that peace exists. Who sees anger as justified in any way or any circumstance proclaims that peace is meaningless, and must believe that it cannot exist. In this condition, peace cannot be found. Therefore, forgiveness is the necessary condition for finding the peace of God. More than this, given forgiveness there must be peace. For what except attack will lead to war? And what but peace is opposite to war? Here the initial contrast stands out clear and apparent. Yet when peace is found, the war is meaningless. And it is conflict now that is perceived as nonexistent and unreal.

I completely get this! The more often I let go of conflict, the more meaningless it becomes to me. I do still find meaning in conflict but because I no longer believe in it the way I used to, I quickly choose forgiveness because it is the only thing that makes sense.

When I was having trouble forgiving “Johnny” recently, and forgiving myself for not forgiving him, I was miserable. The contrast between holding a grievance and being at peace that was so stark I wanted very much to forgive. It was incredible to me that I held on to the anger as long as I did. I have no explanation for that other than I was listening to the ego thoughts rather than to the Holy Spirit.

Regina posted a message from the Holy Spirit some time ago and I printed it out and taped it to my mirror. It said in part:

When you listen to Me,
You know peace.
When you listen only to Me,
Peace is uninterrupted.

When there is a war being waged in my mind it is because I am not listening to the Holy Spirit. I am listening to the ego. It is always that simple because there are only two voices in my mind and I am always listening to one or the other.

My experience has always been that all I need to do is decide on a thing and that thing is mine. If I need to do anything to prepare for the change, then I will be guided to what I need, or I will be told directly. I want the peace of God. Something that Ken Wapnick said helped me very much. He said that before we can have the peace of God we first have to understand how much we don’t want it.

This is the preparatory work I must do in this case. I have to become aware of and decide against the hidden rage in my mind before I can let it go and choose peace instead. As uncomfortable as it was to look at the anger I had toward Johnny, it was absolutely important that I do so, and I am grateful that I had that opportunity.

It is like I said, “I want the peace of God.” And then the Universe said, “Are you sure? Here, look at this anger? Are you ready to give that up so that you can have the peace of God?” And then I got a chance to decide what it was I really wanted. God really does not ever force happiness on me. ~smile~ I always get to decide what I really want.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-27-12

Day 117
20. WHAT IS THE PEACE OF GOD?
1 It has been said that there is a kind of peace that is not of this world. How is it recognized? How is it found? And being found, how can it be retained? Let us consider each of these questions separately, for each reflects a different step along the way.

2 First, how can the peace of God be recognized? God’s peace is recognized at first by just one thing; in every way it is totally unlike all previous experiences. It calls to mind nothing that went before. It brings with it no past associations. It is a new thing entirely. There is a contrast, yes, between this thing and all the past. But strangely, it is not a contrast of true differences. The past just slips away, and in its place is everlasting quiet. Only that. The contrast first perceived has merely gone. Quiet has reached to cover everything.

I don’t know what to say about this. I am so much more peaceful than I used to be and I am grateful for that. I know what I did to get to this place in my life, the practices I used, the true Heart’s desire that keeps me on that path. But I am not peaceful in the way that Jesus describes it here. There is not unending peace, not everlasting quiet. So I can’t really talk about what it is like to have the peace of God. I will leave that to someone who has reached that place.

When I was ready the Holy Spirit sent me to The Teachings of Inner Ramana. This little book that was received by Regina Dawn Akers helped me to begin the process of letting go of thinking. I have had less than stellar results, but what small success I have experienced has made a world of difference. My mind is not quiet, but it is quieter and more peaceful than before I began.

Right at the beginning of the book it says that stepping away from the mind is as simple as losing interest in it and that the mind chatters because I am listening to it. As soon as I read that I knew it was true. Now when I notice that my mind is busy I remember that it will slow down if I quit paying attention to the chatter. It will stop if I have no interest in what it has to say.

This is not easy for me to do. I do stop listening, then before you know it I am back to allowing myself to be entertained by the chatter of the mind. Its not even stuff that’s interesting, and often it is thoughts that are upsetting and almost never are the thoughts useful in any way. And yet, I listen. The encouraging thing is that I eventually notice, and I ask the Holy Spirit for His Words instead and this leads to quiet and to peace.

I can and will experience the peace of God. This is a given, so no worries there. It is just a matter of deciding that this is what I want, this and only this, and it will happen. Evidently I have not made that decision. I forgive myself for that.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-26-12

 
Day 116
5 Pray for God’s justice, and do not confuse His mercy with your own insanity. Perception can make whatever picture the mind desires to see. Remember this. In this lies either Heaven or hell, as you elect. God’s justice points to Heaven just because it is entirely impartial. It accepts all evidence that is brought before it, omitting nothing and assessing nothing as separate and apart from, all the rest. From this one standpoint does it judge, and this alone. Here all attack and condemnation becomes meaningless and indefensible. Perception rests, the mind is still, and light returns again. Vision is now restored. What had been lost has now been found. The peace of God descends on all the world, and we can see. And we can see!

This one sentence is the answer to all injustice, to all judgment of every kind.

Perception can make whatever picture the mind desires to see.

I create my life through my perceptions. I perceive myself as a victim of the world and this is the life I live, victimized at every turn. I perceive myself as treated unjustly, and this is what life brings me. I perceive myself as guilt-ridden and it seems that everything I do brings shame to me. If I see myself as unworthy, I go through life with my head bowed and my eyes averted and it seems that everyone treats me as if I deserve to be ignored. My life will reflect whatever perception I have about myself.

I used to think that I saw myself as a victim because circumstances proved this to be true. I was born into a dysfunctional family and was a victim of that childhood. I was sexually abused as a young girl and was a victim of the damage that causes. We moved from place to place as I grew up and I was a victim of the sense of instability this caused. My childhood seemed to create a pattern of victimization that continued all my life and none of it was my fault. How could I be responsible for what happened to me as a small child? It must be true that I am a victim of the world I see. My whole life has proven this is true.

But, if my life reflects whatever perception I have about myself, then the perception came first. I am not this body, this personality, this life, not even the baby born innocent of separation beliefs. If I were then I would truly be a victim of the world. Everything I have ever thought I knew about myself was so wrong. I have the life that I asked for. I asked for victim stories and guilt stories. I believed in unworthiness and so I have life stories that reflect that belief.

When I first realized that I do not begin with my birth and that I am 100% responsible for everything and so had nothing or no one to blame for my life, I thought my life was a punishment. I had wrong minded thoughts and so I had a hard life. It was a “made my bed and now I have to lie in it” kind of attitude. But that belief was just another wrong perception which needed correction. My life is not my punishment for having untrue beliefs. It is my opportunity to heal the mind of these beliefs. I have all the stories I need to undo those beliefs. My life is everything I need to help me wake up. It is my pathway Home.

As I have allowed my perception to be corrected, I am able to observe the contrast between right-minded thinking and wrong-minded thinking without so much distress. I am not completely healed of this so I do still feel distress sometimes, but not nearly as often and not to the same degree as before. For instance, yesterday I looked at judgment and suffered the effects of believing my judgment. But I was not lost in the effects like I would have been in the past.

I was aware of what was happening so even though it was painful, I understood what was happening and I knew I would absolutely accept healing at some point. I hated the way I felt and I had the feelings that come with that kind of thinking, but I also remembered my purpose and knew that even this situation would be used for that purpose.

I love that I am using my life in this way. I am allowing the Holy Spirit to change my perception. My changed perception is bringing me peace and I will be able to truly see.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-25-12

Day 115
3 All concepts of your brothers and yourself; all fears of future states and all concerns about the past, stem from injustice. Here is the lens which, held before the body’s eyes, distorts perception and brings witness of the distorted world back to the mind that made the lens and holds it very dear. Selectively and arbitrarily is every concept of the world built up in just this way. “Sins” are perceived and justified by careful selectivity in which all thought of wholeness must be lost. Forgiveness has no place in such a scheme, for not one “sin” but seems forever true.
4 Salvation is God’s justice. It restores to your awareness the wholeness of the fragments you perceive as broken off and separate. And it is this that overcomes the fear of death. For separate fragments must decay and die, but wholeness is immortal. It remains forever and forever like its Creator, being one with Him. God’s Judgment is His justice. Onto this,-a Judgment wholly lacking in condemnation; an evaluation based entirely on love,-you have projected your injustice, giving God the lens of warped perception through which you look. Now it belongs to Him and not to you. You are afraid of Him, and do not see you hate and fear your Self as enemy.

I asked the Holy Spirit what He would have me know about this paragraph and He brought to my mind the thought of “Johnny.” This is a man I have separated from all others and have branded as bad and unworthy. I justify my judgment by recounting his many unforgivable faults as I perceive them.

I’ve decided to forgive this story. I’ve decided over and over to forgive this story, then I pick it up again, and when I pick it up I act as if he is the story and it is he that I cannot forgive. If he is guilty for his story then I must be guilty for mine and so I hate him for that, and can’t stand to think about him. The more I hate him the more justification I must find to explain my failure to forgive. He never fails to provide that justification through his actions because in my need for him to be wrong, I see him only through the filter of his sins, which is, of course, the filter of my sins.

The solution is so simple. There is one Son of God and we are that. We imagine that we are many and that each of the many lives out some form of a separation story. When we tire of that story we throw it off and return to our pristine state. Johnny is not Johnny and he has never done anything wrong. He only imagines a story that provides opportunity to awaken, as am I, as are we all. That is all that’s happening.

Since I am part of his story or he is part of my story, however I want to see it, his story becomes an opportunity for me to forgive and to see the truth of who he is and who I am. I am not guilty because I keep allowing myself to be pulled back into the story, but I am suffering because of my choice.

Judgment is a burden, a painful burden. The only way to sustain my decision to keep him guilty is to remain in the dream. While I am in the dream I am unaware of being in God. This is the same thing as choosing pain, suffering, and death. I am ready to open my eyes. Holy Spirit please help me to see. I know that I can because there is nothing my holiness cannot do. I call on my holiness.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-24-12

Day 114
2 Justice, like its opposite, is an interpretation. It is, however, the one interpretation that leads to truth. This becomes possible because, while it is not true in itself, justice includes nothing that opposes truth. There is no inherent conflict between justice and truth; one is but the first small step in the direction of the other. The path becomes quite different as one goes along. Nor could all the magnificence, the grandeur of the scene and the enormous opening vistas that rise to meet one as the journey continues, be foretold from the outset. Yet even these, whose splendor reaches indescribable heights as one proceeds, fall short indeed of all that wait when the pathway ceases and time ends with it. But somewhere one must start. Justice is the beginning.

When I hear people say, “All I want is justice,” I notice that what they really want is some form of vengeance. They want someone to be guilty and to be punished for their guilt. They often want them to be punished now and even in their afterlife. They are saying, “I am in pain and it is your fault and I can only feel better if you hurt worse than I do.” This is, of course, an expression of separation.

True justice recognizes that the one seen as perpetrator is innocent. He may be confused and if he has caused harm in some way then he is confused. But confusion is not sin. It is a call to be healed, a call to be loved. The more horrific the harm, the more need for love. It may be necessary to take this person off the streets before he does more harm, but this too can be an act of love if that is the motivation.

A marriage ends badly with one partner cheating on the other. The wife wants the cheating husband punished, perhaps through the assets being divided in her favor. Maybe she will punish him through the children. All the time she excuses this behavior by calling it justice.

Justice knows only innocence. Love wants everyone to be happy, including the one who is leaving them. And love knows that this other person is not their source of happiness. As she lets go of her judgments and accepts Holy Spirit’s interpretation, there is no pain and no desire for vengeance. As she accepts that all others are simply expressions of her one self, vengeance on another is recognized as vengeance on self, and who would want that?

Justice recognizes that all are innocent, and all are still as God created them, and there are no exceptions to this.

Jesus ends this paragraph with a hint of the indescribable splendor we are to experience at the end of this journey home. I had just the tiniest taste of that experience and it is hard to believe something could be greater. Jesus then tells us that justice is the beginning of this journey. It is where we start. Holy Spirit, please help me today to become quickly aware of those thoughtless moments when I would condemn instead of bless. Please reinterpret each judgment I hold.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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